• Relationships – of any nature – consist of a deep exchange of physical, emotional and spiritual energy.

    Human beings need social interaction for their happiness and well-being. Science says that people living in communities live longer (Kearns et al., 2014) and that married people suffer 5% less cardiovascular diseases than unmarried ones (Alviar, et al., 2014).

    Want a happy, healthy and harmonic relationship? Kindness has been found by researchers to be the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage (Gottman, 2018).

    Sometimes though life gets in the way and showing how much we care to our partner or loved ones can be difficult. Here you’ll find how to bring compassion and kindness to all your relationships!

  • 1. Listen

    Communication is the essential base of every good relationship. And the first step of good communication is listening, as it allow us to build deep positive relationships (Weger, et al., 2014). More often than not, while we listen, we are often self-centred or distracted, perhaps thinking of something else, or what to say next in order to achieve a specific goal. Learn some Active Listening and hear the results!

  • 2. Communicate

    Overreacting while having a conversation is sadly quite common: we might take things personally and express unnecessary judgements or sarcasm. So how do we avoid that?

    For many years now I’ve been a big fan of NVC: Non-Violent Communication (Rosenberg, 2003), based on the idea that all human beings are capable of compassion.

    The method is based on “I” and not “you”, taking self-responsibility and reducing much of the natural bias that I may project when I assert ‘You…’

    If you want to learn more about this astonishing communication technique, read my previous post here [CLICK HERE]

  • 3. Get Angry!

    Yes, you heard me correctly. If necessary, fight! Don’t hold back your emotions, don’t sit frustrated and in silence waiting for your partner to make the first move. Sometimes expressing anger might be necessary to resolve a relationship problem: the short-term discomfort of a sincere conversation will grant long-term results and create a healthier relationship (Baker et al., 2014).

  • 4. Practice Gratitude

    Be grateful for small things: if a friend is cooking for you after a long day in the office just because you have a cold, say Thank You! If your spouse makes a 5-hour journey to visit your family, say Thank You! In fact, whenever you get chance, say Thank You! Small things are what make a relationship great, be grateful for that, out loud! The knock-on effect? Gratitude makes us healthier and happier! (Emmons & McCullough, 2003)

  • 5. Drop Expectations

    We are all different: don’t expect your spouse, your children or your friends to do what you would do. If something is really important for you, speak up and tell them, nobody can read your mind!

  • 6. Cede Control

    If you love somebody, set them free. Free to do what they want, to be what they want and to say what they want. Controlling might be an automatic coping mechanism to feel less vulnerable, but it is set to ruin any relationship (Stets, 1995). Consciously or unconsciously manipulating those you love with emotional blackmail or offering practical advantages gets messy! Set them free to love you!

  • 7. Authenticity

    Being authentic to ourselves, staying true to our values and following our dreams is what really make us flourish. When we’re forced to behave in a certain way, we end up being unhappy and frustrated, and nobody wants that. Let your partner be him/herself and show him/her your true face.

  • 8. Be Mindful

    Be present by paying careful attention to what is happening around you. Mindfulness has been proven to increase the quality of our relationships and decrease stress (Nezlek et al., 2016). Don’t have dinner while watching a movie, have a genuine conversation and look at the person in the eyes, to understand what words cannot say.

  • 9. Get Vulnerable

    Don’t be scared of being vulnerable. Take risks to share your insecurities. And trust that your relationship and partner won’t reject you for them. Show them your soft side, your wounds and your scars. Allow them to love the most vulnerable part of yourself!

     

  • 10. Grow

    Growth is fundamental in any healthy relationship and it should be one of our key goals. Set aside those growing pains to nourish your relationships with extra kindness and compassion which will strengthen them more than ever. And you with it! Take every experience, every fight, every laugh as an opportunity to grow. Together.

    Take these Ten Tips and show unfettered kindness to the people you love today.

    Then sit back and watch what flows back to you!

    Have a fabulous compassionate day,

    Andrew