1. LISTENING - truly, with all your FOUR ears!

The first step of good communication is listening, as it allows us to build deep positive relationships (Weger, et al., 2010). But don’t limit your action to a passive automation. While we listen, we are often self-centred, which still makes the communication only one way. Perhaps we are thinking of something else, or what to say next in order to achieve a specific goal, or we are judging the other person for his/her words. Be mindful and present in the moment and pay attention to what is happening right now.

According to the Four-Sides model (Schulz von Thun, 1981) – a German communication model also known as the “four-ears” model – every message is composed by four facets:

1. Fact: the fact itself (“Please close the window”)
2. Self-revelation: what the sender reveals about himself (“I am cold”)
3. Relationship: what the sender thinks of the receiver (“You should take care of me”)
4. Appeal: the attempt of the sender to influence the receiver (“You are trying to control me”)

To avoid misunderstandings and engage in a healthy communication, be aware of all the different aspects of the message you are delivering or receiving. Use all your four ears to truly listen!

2. LOVE LANGUAGES – Which ones do you speak?

Communication is not only expressed in words, especially when it comes to love. Showing empathy during a conversation brings us to a different level of understanding. Empathy is discussed but less frequently clear - it describes our capacity to share and understand the thoughts and feelings of others (Decety & Yoder, 2016).

But how can you deeply connect with your loved ones? Speaking the same language, of course!

Five different languages have been identified when it comes to love (Chapman, 1995). They’re simple and yet super effective. The first question is asking yourself which love language is your preference, and then that of your loved ones.

1. Words of affirmation: complimenting some people is the way to make them smile
2. Acts of service: for others, actions really do speak louder than words
3. Receiving gifts: a tangible gift is the biggest proof of love for these folk
4. Quality time: some of us just need the ful l attention of their partner or loved one
5. Physical touch: some people need so feel their loved ones physically close

Learn your partner language and make her/him feeling completely loved!

That’s part one….. next week you’ll get an introduction to my all-time favourite Communication Tool!

Have a great week,

Andrew